When Everything Is Not The Same Anymore

Where should I start? I frankly blank here. I don't know what I'm looking for, for a past few days. I don't know who am I for the past days ago. I don't know where I was headed to? I don't know exactly how I feels each days of my life. I don't know anything for the past few days. I wonder what makes me different yet so abandoned from my own life?
I wonder how things fall back to negative one. Why does my mood swings like a roller coaster ride when there is no such major matter counts. I just don't have any clue why am I being so denial and acting like a total stranger in my own chapter of life. Apologized goes to my Lover Boy who has been hated by his own lover. I am not hating you. Its just that I don't know why am I feeling like being left alone and there's no one cares about me tho I know you do care about me. I don't know honey. Please do forgive me for being such a whacked out.

You can wipe all my intoxicated words that I've accidentally thrown  to you with no reasons valid. I am so sorry for injecting someone's else body in my soul for past few days. And I know you always there with me no matter how pathetic I was. You never turn back and let me suffer alone. You suck all my pain away and here goes your courtesy baby. 
I love you.

Oh My God, please reformat me into my old version of Iylia Arina. I don't want to be a stranger in my own life especially to someone I loved most. Assist me to the straight path all over again and Baby Love, don't let me go. Hold my hands to the right path. When there is you, I wouldn't be a zombie anymore